The vacuum

From time to time I think that it takes me too long to learn. But the question may be, too long to learn what? For when something is known that helps change how you handle information, it never seems too late. I have been readi g a great deal about the mind and particularly the ego. It has been an unexpected comfort, as much of human behavior from what I am gathering...nature, nurture... Ways we all choose to respond to life in accordance with indoctrination of some kind, helps me to see that much of our patterns are predictable. This fact makes thinking a fraction differently very freeing. Over the last few years I have kept a flame burning for my ex husband. I have also kept it flickering for my other ex, and for frequent flyer. I have had these people all in hand, juggling the possibilities that one might pan out and proofs to be the one for me. Then came The Towers and somehow, I realized that I had created a vacuum in my life, not going forward, not really committing. Not doing much of anything. My life was reading that way all around. I had to do something. At the very least, I had to acknowledge that I was going nowhere but getting traction from it. Then the most amazing thing happened, all that I was holding onto, just fell away. I let go. It even felt like a relief. I was being held together by a series of constructs that no longer served me. Now, I am looking anew from a place with my mind and heart open.