Deja vu Le vu

Tonight I was listening to the radio and looking at an old movie on Netflix, Kate and Leopold to be exact, and these two things began to oddly take my mind back to my college years. Years when I was so in love with my boyfriend who would become my husband. I recalled the freshness of my thoughts back then. The unknown. I wondered about what I was going to do. I was not even certain that he and I would end up married, but I hoped for it, because of the way I felt. Tonight, for a moment, it was as though I could lift those emotions and run with them anew. In a way, I felt as though I were getting an introduction to myself. What would I do if I felt that sense of new horizon, without the burdens that I perceive now? ...................................... I would see before me the clues that I have left behind...that list I made this year of goals to fulfill. I would see that whatever would bring joy to my child is what I want to pursue. I would see that nothing really can hold me back And, I would see that the black hole of fear would close in behind me and disappear. ...................................... I would take a long look at myself and start plotting my steps. I would know that whatever I focus on, would multiply to the skies and be good. I would remember myself, and laugh out loud Because I had never left. I was cloaked behind all sorts of subtifuge...flotsam and jetsum. ...................................... I would awaken, and see the green, lush world, beyond all the noise and fear, anxiety and present world expectations. I would see my path having no present world eating into it, because I am not of it. And I would smile Because that is how it is supposed to be.