So great

I have stated before that I make lists. I especially make lists about my plans,wants, stuff like that.I am so good at it that I even believed that they were reflections of what I thought of myself. The truth is that those lists were shallow. They did not go into me where it counted, but I never really saw this until I started asking more from the lists. An example of that is my list regarding what I am looking for in a partner in my life. Long ago, my list would say, very logically, an honest, caring, respectful, attractive man. Now, my list is nothing like that. My list now starts with a real friend. Someone who is willing and able and wanting to be in a committed relationship. Someone who is genuine about what he wants for himself and the person whom he wants to spend his time and life with. Someone who understands what friendship, partnership and love is all about. For this person to be in my life, he must really enjoy being with me. We should be for the other, the person that we want to be with, to spend time with, to laugh with and of course to be deeply attracted to and want to connect with. That makes sense to me. My views on my career has changed, everything has altered considerably actually. When I think of what sort of life I want now, I realize that it is not the way that it has been going. I was vague, unsure and unaware of the process of reaching for the dream. Or at least I told myself that. Some sort of learned helplessness. It all looked hard as hell, and guess what, only people who agreed seemed to be around me. There is always better in the world. There are always ways to get things done. One has to keep ones eye on the goal. It is that simple. Things can turn around in the blink of an eye. One moment life seems to be failing you and the next moment, you can be riding the wave of ultimate success. I was reminded this week that it is definately up to me to know that my life can be great, and I am so relieved.