Yesterday I practiced something I only use from time to time, and that is to allow a completely different outcome from my expectations of something to play out in my mind. I had quite a bit of fun. I imagined my ex husband as I would really like to see him. It felt really good. I used that a few years ago for someone I felt intimidated by. Their reputation was such that I would get awkward in their presence, and I would be doing something with them for over a year and had to break the feelings that came over me. It worked very well, and it was very freeing. It worked so well, that about a month into the stretch, I actually forgot that I used to feel the way I did. Of late I have been giving much thought to my attitude and all that I find I have spent my mind on, while everyone else has been having family lives. I feel as though I have been more unhappy than happy, although I know that that is not the truth. Everyone goes through difficult times. I am just most aware of mine. What I have to start doing in earnest is tracking my own goals and my happiness. My ex certainly got to me. I must admit it. We are connected by a thread of unpleasantness. I have not acknowledged it, but he seems to inadvertantly get me to join him when I am made to visit court or my lawyer. It has become trying and tedious and I must now watch very mindfully for my own wellbeing. This is why I am writing tonight. I have to start to look out for myself, or what would my life be?