I just read back other entries from this year and the one I just did sounds leagues different. However, I would not change anything about it. I have been feeling that way of late, and I have acknowledged it. I was extremely grateful when I had those two people in my life. I never took them for granted. Now, I feel aware of their absence. I can't not feel that. They mattered a great deal to me for a very, very long time. To have been managing without them has been something that I have just glossed over. I do not think that I have ever really sat down and admitted to myself that I am angry, and sad, and deeply hurt for losing them. I feel disappointed, and lost, because although they did not own my thinking as it were, they were instrumental in my being as strong as I was. They gave me the impetus to feel that with both of them in my corner, my plans that came into my head could be vetted, and happen because they were just in my world, being their with me. I miss that. I miss that my plans are things I do not share as I used to. I still get excited about doing creative things from a germ of an idea. But it is not the same.