so much was going on after my divorce that I think that i didn't have any opportunity to feel sorry for myself. Then one dramatic thing after the other occurred in my life...not that it has necessarily abated. But now, lately I have been feeling a crest of sadness about the two people who were the closest in my life. I know that all I can do is sit and live with it and not take it on too much. But at the moment I am taking it on for some reason or the other. Perhaps I am a little lonely? I feel as though nothing in the last few years has gone to plan for me emotionally. This topic makes me uncomfortable. But I know that when I feel this sort of discomfort, it is important to understand why. It is possibly the time of year as well. I would usually be doing things with people I love, and that has not been the case for a very long time. I have moved on as I must, but it has not been the same. I don't know what to do? I have assumed that it is me? Perhaps I am not ready to make new friends? Or perhaps I am too insulated? I don't really know anymore? I also don't really like complaining...even though every entry here is probably filled with me complaining all the time!? Professionally I work really hard...everything I do, I put effort into it. Yet, I find that for all of my efforts, I am not all that thrilled with the outcomes sometime. The last project I was working on, I was guaranteed certain things, I kept up mu=y end, and bam...they ran into problems and I have to be the understanding one. This is a completely new group of people and all I can say is same shit, different day! I am so disappointed! I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. What the hell! I miss my best friend, I could have said anything to him, and we worked together so damn well. I am bitching and complaining, and he's dead!He's been gone for an age now! I am not feeling secure about anything, and perhaps that is normal. But tonight I am just feeling it closer to my skin.