one

Recently I did some work for a friend of mine and in return she answered a question that I had. She is a life coach and I felt that my ex had really seemed to be amping up his nasty behavior above and beyond my ability to move past it. I was feeling stumped by everything. I'd been offered a project, read the contract, negotiated a better figure, begun the project and bam...my payment was pushed back. I finished the project last week and as of today, i am still waiting to be paid. Then my other job is going on apace and I am yet to receive the contract for that, despite letters written and promises made. That, coupled with ill parents and visitors coming to look at work and then never returning, trying to get work back from a colleague who is just ignoring me and getting rejected for funding of my book project as well as no reply for support for my upcoming trip...well. it just seemed like a stack of negativity piling up endlessly. Something had to give. My friend basically let me know that I can trust mu instincts. Although, I still have one or two questions about what she told me. One of the people I admired deeply in the world was my mothers cousin. She seemed to let nothing phase her. She went from strength to strength. She had a few businesses, and she brought up my two cousins after she divorced their father and took on three of her brothers children without any help.She never gave up and she had the looks of a glamorous film actress, a great sense of humor, she was extremely artistic and creative and she was very self contained. After her husband, I do not recall any men in her life. I recall most of all her building her dream house and how beautiful it was, She had at least three courtyards with vines and spanish tiles, fraught iron grillwork sandlots of natural light peeking in.She was born in London and lived there most of her life, but she left and made the places she ended up living, her home with ease.Her sons, my cousins are remarkable men because she brought them up and gentle yet strong people. Auntie died under strange circumstances. We believe that she started a business with an investor who may have poisoned her. Waw...Yes, very dramatic story.My cousin only got vague information about her death from the person and when going through her personal effects saw discrepancies with her money. The person swindled her.One day I hope to get to the bottom of that story. So, back to my story...I feel as though I can look at myself for a moment as though I am observing from a great height. In doing so, I am not making a judgement, I am simply an observer. I can see where I have let my emotions run rings over my life. I see how I was brought up to think a certain way, and to let certain things affect me more than others. I see the person that I was being a complete stranger to me, and more than ever, I see myself through endless possibilities of the now. That is perhaps the greatest gift from these times. For ll the foot and hand tying going on as I do my best to move forward, I will not be swayed. I will persevere. This is the first part of this entry.