what a week waw

There were insights this week that came with my willingness to put the work in to change the things that bothered me. i may have stated before that I experienced what can only be described as myself looking upon things in my life from above. A sort of overview. Where I was able to reflect, yet, not be judgmental in my reflection. I was able to see it the way one would see a town or a city. When one looks from above, one does not pick out what is wrong with the individual parts.I could see a few parts a bit closer than others, and I could even see my ex-husband and what he came into our relationship with. It was then that I could look upon his behavior as the product of his very child-like desire to be loved and protected from disappointment.I was able to see how his wrong thinking has carried him all of this time and how much we both have struggled with that level of self doubt. Without believing the same thing within as you feel without- you have no chance of changing anything about yourself. I set about to work on that a few years ago, and I am deeply grateful for having done so. It took awhile to teach myself how to do it. In fact I don't think that I can even explain to anyone else how to make what is within match what is without...apart from stating here that there is no way around going into yourself...asking yourself every time you see something lovely where people are interacting and you are observing and re-acting...what are you feeling when you see love or partnership? Or trust, or friendship? What are you feeling? Isn't that lovely, do you remember when you felt that, or had that? Do you want to experience that again? Or do you want your own version of that sense of joy? For emotional experiences, that's how you have to build up the outer and inner connecting.You have to feel your inner workings. You have to listen to what your inner monologue is constantly telling you. You have to feel what you feel when you are running on adrenaline or fear, doubt , tiredness, pettiness...everything and begin to inwardly change your temperature by getting to know who you are. It really is no different than the scene in The Matrix when Morpheus had to tell Neo that he, Neo had never used his muscles before. Why this is not taught in schools? I have no idea. But I know that I have to teach it to my girl. I know for a fact that although I searched and researched Spirituality from an early age, it still has taken a lifetime to understand that I know nothing. It has challenged me that I have wondered about action and re-action. I have been befuddled by energies. Listened to family and friends around me speak of obeah and miracles,prayer, fasting and rituals. I have chosen to use my positive thinking, logic, compassion,realistic expectations and spontaneity to achieve my beliefs. I've been Athiest, Catholic,Muslim,Jehovah Witness and Hindu. I have listened to Buddhism and New Age. In all that time, life is moving on. The journey is to be had. There is no prize for best. It is about living and that is it. What is the point of life? To live.