cobwebbing

The day after my friend 'broke up' with me, my ex-husband sent me a Lawyers letter. It was not entirely unexpected, but of course I was not considering that I would get it when I did. He of course wants me to have the time I get to see our daughter reduced considerably from the very generous (to him) every fortnight for two days...to my going to his home (no overnighting was specifically mentioned...as though I would want to even consider that!) and he wnts me to pay three times what I do now. After the break up, this other thing was just a pile on. However, I did what I have become very pleased with doing for myself. I sat with the emotins and I let it filter through me. I was not afraid. I was not upset or angry. I thought about our wonderful daughter and I was also even able to recall really good times with him in our past. In fact for the last few weeks he has been coming to mind a great deal. I even found myself speaking about him quite a bit and even defending much of his behavior to others to set the record straight about him...so that's why I write that I knew something might be up. But still...I was not fully expecting such a letter. I have to the end of the month to respond, and respond I definitely shall. This year I find that my writing these last few weeks have really gone deeply into territory that I usually protect within myself. I feel vulnerable. But, I like the feeling. It helps clear up the things that I feel I cannot touch, and are so cobwebbed, so much a pattern of my character, where I think that if I don't touch these feelings, I could just procrastinate and they may disappear. I do write about difficult things, but, even so, therre are things that I am just shy of admitting fully. I am getting there with these last few entries because I just want to get them out of my system, my mind...onto a black piece of paper and really syep away from the preceived conflict. I feel so good doing this.