Depths of dispair

What a night I had. Tempted to write it all down, I decided to behave like a scientist and observe it instead. All day I had a sense of dread, thinking of my dad and the huge vacuum he has left. From there it just got infinately worse. I literally cherry picked my way through my personal shop of horrors. What was goo though is that I am so used to that deep forest that I could see every macabre detail as something to observe and not necessarily allow to engulf me. But it was not easy at all. I just let the things wash over me, conscious that I was wearing my Macintoch of comfort, saying to myself that this too shall pass. It was as I stated, sort of funny in a way. I just went down the line of discomofrts and sense of hopelessness. I confronted future deaths of those I love, whom I depend on and who depend on me. Then, when I was really far into it, my mother complained of a discomfort of her own and rocked me from one fear and dispair to a 'real' one. She turned out to be alright, but that was a huge wake-up call. Amidst it all, I considered giving up what I presently do.I have lots of things to occupy my mind and my hands. But, no immediate fnancial supports and that was what also brought on the sense of dread. You can have every intention in the world, but there are certain things that just do not get done wihout the money to do them. That concern lubricates every shadow and creepy crawly in that forest of pain and anxiety, and it came for me swiftly as I lurched down the garden path. As I always say, a nights sleep provided the necessary balm to bring me back to myself. But also, knowing me, I shall analyze the crap out of what I went through.