One other grateful thing

My sister asked me about juliemangoman last week, and after not an inkling of him, he showed up in my dm's as the saying goes. When that happened. I remembered what I did that day at the Dentists office when I could have turned left and walked to The Tower's million dollar apartment or go home. I chose to ignore his presence. I chose myself. It has been weird to be single right now. Post divorce I have not put myself out there in the world of the single lady. I know that at my age I am going to meet divorced men. men with children or men with elderly parents they support or whatever, no one is eighteen anymore. I take a look at what I have encountered and I see where I am responsible for the way that I put myself out into the world as well. I think that in some ways I felt that I should try again. I wanted to move on with the knowledge that someone new coming into my life would be good for me. I have been very fortunate that I never have set it as a priority,yet, having had one or two interests has given me an opinion about it. I may not have really been ready to be with someone. I would say that juliemangoman did surprise me, and I was giving thought to tacking back to my ex whern he showed up in my life. I lamented all of the experiences post divorce as well. I felt that my time was absolutely wasted and I was very, very loathe to give anything a try ever again! The very notion of someone wanting to have a fling and bressing themselves up as serious when they only plan to let you down was too much to take. So when I saw juliemangoman in my dm. it was very easy for me to say to myself. hey, you disappeared in mid sentance with me months ago. I cannot say anything about your actions except that you enjoy ghosting me. I can't ay who you are with anyone else. I just know how I have been treated and I deserve better than what you have sent my way. So, no. I am not going to do what I did the last two times, which was, write you a hello and then you take a few days or weeks to reply and then you start replying and calling me and video messaging me and then I look forward to your quirky replies and BAM, nothing. I took it as a personal rejection. Like all victims I blamed myself. Not any more. THe whole thing helps me to see what I do not want! I really fell for him in many ways. I will not lie. What was good was amazing, and I was definitely confused that someone who could make me feel so good could also make me feel so bad. In the end, I chose me, and I am feeling good.