reading

Listening to the incremental yet huge steps my friend is making in her situation, we chatted about that friend of mine whom I had to walk away from after more than a decade of good friendship. Talking about it again, I found myself being more open to discussing what I perceived I may have done to cause her upset. However, I also saw that simple communication and desire to work on the relationship was in order if either of us really wanted it to be fixed. My friend is a supplier of fixes and suggestions of ways to say things better (after the fact) and it is sweet. I know I definately sound condescending with that statement, and I do have much to write about that as well...but the whole conversation My friend has to find some control somewhere and it manifests as it does, and she has always been like that anyway. It is so funny, you work and work on yourself, but really, you are only coming into the acknowledgement of yourself. You go miles and miles to arrive at the same place to actually see yourself. All of the self help (and I have always done it too, ever since I was conscious of needing to at around sixteen or seventeen) you should work on yourself. But i now find that all of that is ultimately for your own sense of self. It doesn't guarantee any better relationships. My friend talks about ways to frame questions. But I did that with that friend. You learn to manouvre the eggshells. Is that really a friendship? You have to express yourself and you have to be vulnerable and sometimes you also have to walk away and acknowledge that it no longer serves either of you. You have to be ok with the mess and ok with chaos and life. You just have to be ok.