How do I have so much to say?

Blah, blah, blah. This morning I got up knowing that I should go for a walk. But I just was not interested. This coming from someone who used to be highly motivated to do so. I listened to my internal voice doing eerything it could tomotivate me. I was not buying it even for a moment. It dawns on me that sometimes the reason I am lethargic about my intentions is because I know myself so well. I'll even write that I can predict my future because of it. The world talks about white privilege. But I know that I am damned priviledged! I want the things that I expect on my own time and in my way.I think back on my history and I accept my quirks. I accept that I am always in my own way to a certain extent. Yesterday I was chatting with a friend about someone we both know. The person is extremely ambitious, and I have seen her manouvre everything she does in the most calculated way andit has paid off for her. We discussed her because we both think that she is a lot of hot air and no substance. But really, I also admire that her energy, strength and purpose has taken her to where she is. I am now old enough to know that even if you want to admire a billionaire, you are watching someone who has had to work at things that I probably would not want to do for any amount of money. I am curious for myself right nw to know what it is I really want? I have written about this forever, but it is always changing.