so, like...who am I today?

It is so wierd that when you give yourself a moment between thoughts, especially when they are stressed filled....as Eckhart Tolle states, there is space between myself and the thing of concern. One must always realise that you are NOT the thing or experience that you have invested in. You have at least a moment of for want of a better word, a freedom. I find myself asking this question more and more. I am now here and there are many things that I still of course want to do. I play into the first desires, which are to be stable. To please my family. To do so well that others look up to you in awe perhaps, or at least with respect. But all of that is actually external to who you are. You are always with yourself, so you can be meeting all of the markers and still feel dispare. You can be very stressed by the weight of the expectations that come from being that person. Equally, the feelings come from not meeting those markers or any markers! Thus the admiration for Monks and other holy people. They seem still and clear in their intentions. So what is this all about? Also indoctrination is so powerful that when you don't succeed according to society/parents/peers etc...you make excuses right away to explain away why you have not achieved what to you, everyone else seems able to achieve. The second desire is all encompassing and constant, the need to make money and enough to have it outlive you. Good relationships are also key. You want to have at least one or two people you can talk to and be yourself with. People who have your proverbial back. Then there is good health. You can't do anything without it and you know that the older you get, the more important that becomes. Somehow everyone begins to look the same again in such a vulnerable place. So who am I today? I am the product of every experience and thought I have had, no matter how small. I accept my mediocrity. Accept my hits and my misses. So I am stoic today.