One of those things

Ever walked into a conversation had about you by family who tell you nothing but god stuff? But now they are saying things about you that they have never ever said to you to someone esle? Well, that was my experience these last two days. It happened twice with my sister and my mother. It is a hell of a thing, because in my sister's case,she keeps asking me how I am doing, asking about how my daughter is doing and I have been absolutely normal with her, listening to her advice, having what I thought was open discussion. My sister is also having the discussion in favor of my ex-husband. She is siding with him regarding what has most recently happened now that my daughter does not want to live with him anymore. There was a desire to listen to as much of her vitriol as possible. But a much deeper desire to let it go prevailed. Also,as I was hearing the conversation go in and out of earshot, I found the grace and instinct to know what her words are mostly about her own experience. In fact I will now write that who knows what is repeated that I have said to my mother that I assumed was between us, that my mother has repeated to her to make her feel the way that she does about me? From the way this entire situation played out, I have to acknowledge that indeed this must be the case. My sister smiles to my face and occassionally does confront me over a matter...as she did several months ago. As the saying gos, she came for me in a way I could not understand at all. She literally interrogated me about my ex-husband and I will admit that to end the barrage of criticism and shouting at me, I decided to give her what I felt she wanted. I apologized for not telling her how I was feeling in the moments she demanded answers to. I explained that I felt humiliated and embarressed to have met someone who would do some of the things that he did. I bowed, scraped and acted absolutely contrite to not have been more vulnerable, humble and appropriately weak in her presence of rightiousness. etc, etc. I went a little further and even asked her whether she was satisfied even a smidge by my explanations from that time? What more could I do to appease her beliefs of that time? It absolutely worked when I pushed back with my arsenal of treakle heavy platitudes where she could be the victor and me the vanquished. It takes nothing to make a bully satisfied. It costs nothing to step aside from what I know and what the bully is all about.