when control is out of control

The behavior of my ex-husband has been so upsetting that I don't know where to begin. This has a very long history of gradualy becoming all that you despise. I remember the Howard Stern movie where that was exactly the case with the station manager that Howard worked for. The manager was so concerned with keeping him on the straight and narrow that he completely lost it.The need to have some sort of ultimate power over our daughter, seeing infractions in her every move! How could he begin to think that she would want to stay with him? He began this fruitless quest by making a list ofdemands that to many adults may seem almost reasonable. Exercise, study, he gave specific times to do them and then the caveate, you cnanot see your mother until the end of the semester and for only one week. He came to this conclusion when at the end of the 'summer' break she stayed one extra day with me and was then invited to a school party with a friend whose birthday was the last day of the holiday. Paranoid much! She felt put upon, but realised that he never really stays home to make sure that she do anything. He goes out alot and doesn't care to check in with her anyway. But then, he began to up the stakes. He didn't want her studying in her room. He began to say negative things to her when she seemed to not move to his rules quickly enough and SHE had enough! I am deeply proud of her for standing her ground and being adamant that she shall not allow him or anyone to ruin her schooling and control her life as he has tried to do! The first time, she sent his letter to her grnadmother , my sister and to his brother and neice. The second time she sent his scathing comments to her psychologist who agreed that she should leave, With the last and real nailed coffin, scorched earth going way too far! I even got involved and tried to write to him about his actions being way beyond reasonable. But he of course doubled down on his behavior instead. He fnally wrote a half hearted apology but continued to insult her prospects by saying that my family would drag her down to our level of miserable life. He is a piece of work isn't he? She has been through so much in such a short time! She is doing as well as can be expected. We are also making sure that she feels heard, safe and loved.