MANAGE YOUR IMAGE

These are the words that my cousin gave to me last night when he talked for more than an hour. The strength and the power of what he said is so strong that I am still dealing with its meaning. Last night I hung up and felt as though I was being guided by a motivational speaker. He said the exact thing that I needed to hear. I know that I shall be going back to those words often as I move forward with my life.

yes, the heart is the centre

I have been reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. She writes about Italy, India and Indonesia and her spiritual enlightenment in each.I found a lovely quote in the book and I am recalling it here.
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"Imagine that the universe is a great spinning engine, you want to stay near the core of the thing - right in the hub of the wheel - not out at the edges where all the wild whirling takes place, where you get can frayed and crazy. The hub of calmness - that's your heart. That's where God lives within you. So stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep coming back to that center and you'll find peace"

Then, imagine that I was a weary traveller, deciding to write a blog and the name came to me, and here it is.

Yet again, someone is reading from my life

Once a certain individual has made their mind up about a particular matter, you are better off trying to turn the tide than getting them to think again. Don't waste energy on a futile struggle. There is true fun and joy to be had elsewhere.

And from his

Pressures are not letting you live the life you want. From the moment you wake up to the time you go to sleep, you are distracted by obligations that deflect you from your heart's agenda. It's time to do what matters most to you.


He is now fighting me for custedy of our daughter, despite the fact that he is going away in a few days for a month.

Words of wisdom from my sign and then his for today

A key subplot in the soap opera of your life has reached a cliff hanger. An essential decision cannot yet be made and you're waiting for the first opportunity to make it happen. The full moon will sweep you forward to that important moment.
~

Although, our problems seem to be thrust on us by an unfair destiny, they are all, actually, made to measure as a result of our attitudes. We choose the cloth, cut and colour of our garments. So, if you don't like what you have —change the material.
~

up and down to be up again

So much has gone on since I last wrote. I got to the island on the 8th, and everything was topsy turvey for me. I stayed on after the deadline set to leave, I saw a lawyer, I have had ups and downs with my husband.It has been very eventful and it is still not completely resolved. Within all of this, I find myself remembering with clarity better times and wondering when I shall feel them again. I have felt exhausted by the experience, and this has been proven by my sleep. But in all of this, feeling sorry for myself is not an option. This situatin has to find an amicable ending.

Once more from Canada

There may be plenty to feel uncomfortable about. The sky insists you have a chance to escape playing a part in an old drama that keeps going 'round on the same old emotional treadmill. A constructive change has already begun.
~

I just thought that I would read what my sign said for today. If I didn't know better, I would say that this person were tailor making these snippets just for me.
I got a beautiful send off from Stephen and Ash, the owner of the college where I studied also sent me the kindest note. i was touched.
My time here has been much better than I could have foreseen.
I have learnt that everything is up to me. I can make 'it' if I try. I have felt more loved than alone. Missing my little one has been very hard and it has not been helped by the wrangling between my husband and myself. But, apart from that, I came here with an open mind, and I shall return with an open mind. I shall return. There is so much that i can do, that I do not feel discouraged. My education has been a big deal, and I plan to continue to learn. The beauty of the end of the year is that it always encourages a sense of looking foward.

A sense of looking forward is always an optimistic feeling.

I shall leave tonight with my heart quite full of all that I have experienced here, and I am greatful for everything that I have felt and done for 2007. I faced more challenges from 2006. But I now walk on knowing that challenges are just that, creative puzzles that enter your path. There is no wrong way, only ways. People in your life may see them as such, they shall come and go. You will face decisions and choices that give you pause. It is important to remember that life is about learning, having grace and a sense of the much bigger picture.
Ever since I started this blog, one of the things that stick out for me, is something I wrote about a month ago, about my husband and I standing at either ends of something we cannot see. That was very helpful somehow. it made me see that I was not hopeless or alone, or weak. Somehow the thought was comforting to know that what we stand in is beauty.

BEWARE:Poor girl status

This morning I thought about how everything has turned out, and I was wondering how I could make all of this work for me. What I mean specifically is that I was thinking that whatever I do must not be in reaction to his behavior. His decision to not pick me up at the airport is pretty devastating, and again, I find that it is always so easy for him to be unkind. That seems to come to him without effort.
My thoughts also ran to my own words over the years. Did I somehow cement these things into existance? Was I not kind, helpful and supportive? God, I hate all of this, I keep going over picked over territory again and again!
How can I get out of this? When will I feel good again? Also, is there a part of me that likes the drama, likes the attention and the ultimate poster party for 'Poor Girl' status?
My poor girl status VS his contolling dick-tator. (laugh)
What a pair we are indeed. Is that the game that we have played?

I can say that I am only doing what I am because of his actions. But suppose he does come to the airport and does drop me to my parents (after seeing our child) Or I stay at his mothers' that night and then go to my parents the next day?
That would make the situation a bit easier to take. But in a way it just postpones the inevitable issues.
But suppose he surprised me and behaved decently?
Then I would be softened into believing that we could work something out.
Can we?
If not for us, at least for our little one?
What more could I want or expect?
Actually I want alot more, much more.
The fact that I am returning to my country and I have nowhere to live and no job is an amazing feeling. I am oddly, not worried about any of that at all.
I have some new options, so I am not scared. I will do well, in Canada and at home. I will do well no matter where I am.
I think that I need to bring that same sort of conviction to my emotional life.