acceptance

After ranting about being unfairly treated the other day, I had a good rest and then contemplated on everything again and concluded that I had to accept responsibility for it. Tonight, I want to expand on what I now know. I must state that ever since I can remember my attitude to money was formed by some pivotal issues that happened in childhood. From the Nun who cheated me of my allowance money to yet another one asking me to do a project for the school and not compensating me in any way....some patterns are appearing...I now see it in my high school years of not getting an allowance and having to find ways to get the things that I wanted by constantly manipulating one parent against the other. Then in college where I was very frugal and then the world of work where I began not being paid what I was worth for a few years before finally being compensated as I should have been, only to get divorced and faced with compromising with my present job. It has clearly not gone as it should. Along the way I have had one belief about money and experienced something other than my expectations. Now it has not always been terrible. I have ad some great moments, no doubt about it. But now, I see that I have to take a look at what I was not doing for my best interest. In this case, I happened to have stated that I just wanted to meet my obligations with this project, and it has come to be exactly that. If I could set my mind to such a small goal, imagine what I could do if I set my mind toward better! I have done it many times, and I am very capable. In the past I have let fear, doubt and a host of distractions rob me of my best. I have also seen my strengths whisk me into better places and experiences as well, thank god for that. ...... So no more being lame with my needs. As I said to my partner years ago, what are you saving all of your energy for? BE TRUE TO YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT, ENJOY YOUR LIFE. STOP WAITING FOR WHATEVER YOU THINK YOU NEED TO PROMPT YOU TO WHERE YOU SHOULD BE. That used to drive me crazy with him. I felt that he was holding himself back. ......Now it is my turn to give myself a proper shake-up, and no, I am not writing in two's tonight.