always contemplating

This morning when I awoke, I remembered a conversation had with someone about the impression I made a decade ago. I was surprised and embarrassed by the way that the person gushed about me. Embarrassed because I couldn't help thinking that if I had known that I made such an impression, I would be so much better off. Today I consider that and use it as I move forward every day. Thinking about myself ten years ago, I run my mind over all of the challenges. I don't run my mind over all of the great moments, to the point where I may find myself saying, what great moments? But of course I had them. I believe that the best thing that I have done in the most recent years is to re-organize the way that I view the negative that has bombarded me. I cannot remember when I did it, but I believe that I wrote about it here online, where I decided that I was going to challenge all of my negative thoughts and get to a place where I would start to consider bigger thoughts, bigger goals. That has been exactly the right attitude to have, and I gain from it all of the time. Now that I am on the threshold of uncharted territory, I am directly looking at one of my biggest challenges to date, and that is the old belief that no matter how much I may be inclined to plan, nothing goes to plan. Usually, that sort of contemplation would just get me upset with myself. But now, I am fascinated by the idea of being propelled forward by my own efforts. My efforts are now buoying me up and I am not so fixated on fear as I have been for forty years. Fear and failure are inevitable. The point is to move past it, see it, confront it and continue to proceed to where you want to go. Now, when I do what I started to do with this post, to contemplate the past and ask whether I have the pluck to take from the best as I go into something new,I feel freer. Everyone pays for their choices. If your married, you may glance at those who are not and believe that they may have more opportunities than you may have. Those who are single may feel the pull to those with families. I have looked at the latter sometimes, thinking that somehow I am untethered and thus broken. It is a funny thing.Such thoughts can really stall you. But I am up for the adventure. If I choose the red pill over the blue pill, I have a good attitude about life, and ultimately that is the greatest success.