how it is coming along

There was a breakthrough for me when I was looking in an old diary for something and in that book I happened to have about four passport photographs of myself over a period of time. Within that I saw something in myself that has always been there but I never really acknowledged within myself. I have some first nation blood, and I saw it and felt a sense of my ancestors so crucially...and within that I found a kind of peace. I just felt the need to be gentler with myself. That provided the 'in' for me to start to say, hmmm, what about a bit of a make over? What about being seen again? I have felt myself in the contradictory space of coming forward slightly only to retreat because of the way I think things are and feel I need to be.There are just these moments that are like darker underlines in a language of sameness. It comforted me when I did not know I could find myself there.