see the hole

It is also easy to do what my ex-husband would do, believe that he was striving so very hard and others were reaping the successes and not him. I am glad for the example right now because it shows me the absurdity of that feeling. Of course it is easy to believe. But it sin't the truth. As I stated before, I instantly went back to a past when my world felt absolutely shattered. I also realised that I also had to confront all of the work that I thought all this time that I was doing to be better than that. to have 'gotten' over being sensitive and shattered and feeling like a victim and sorry for myself. But then again, I have always had a small compartment in my mind that believes that all I can do is shrink those feelings, never really get rid of them and the reason being....repeat above....if only this or that would work out....I could feel better about where I am going. All of this is exhausting. But it is also my belief. My life. My way of seeing through my eyes. I come to my online diary this morning because I want to make sense of all of this as much as I can. I only know that I just have to do something for myself here. Approaching issues in my life with old tools is not working. I think that getting these feeling out of my head...clearing the decks, is the way for me to go. Being at war with myself is a defeat. PART 3