Today's zodiac read,
Think positively and real opportunities will appear out of nowhere.
Think negatively and your life will overflow with big problems.
That's good general advice, but it is especially appropriate this week.
This reminds me that at one point in time, Astrology was not considered a hokey science. For whatever it is worth, the advice came in handy.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Learning by rote
The day began with rain, and winds, and was the sort of cold that you expect for October, as opposed to the day before when people walked around in shorts.
I went to the Goldhawk Park Library. I find that whenever I feel down, one of the things that I like to do, if I cannot go for a long walk, is to visit somewhere where I can look at books and read something new. What I found out today was that I wanted to focus on my higher, more positive thoughts. The more I focused, the better it became to clear my head.
Feeling down is normal. I have been here for nearly two months. I want to start seeing results for my efforts. But moreso, I want to put into play, the circumstances that can eventually lead to me being able to be as creative as I can, making money from that creativity. As I walked home, the thoughts got sharper, and I finally went back to the computer and took another look at my resume and tweaked it again. This time, more confidently than I would have, if I had done it over the last few days.
Going out and changing my surroundings was helpful to my mindset. Sitting in the house promoted brooding.
It was a start.
The day began with rain, and winds, and was the sort of cold that you expect for October, as opposed to the day before when people walked around in shorts.
I went to the Goldhawk Park Library. I find that whenever I feel down, one of the things that I like to do, if I cannot go for a long walk, is to visit somewhere where I can look at books and read something new. What I found out today was that I wanted to focus on my higher, more positive thoughts. The more I focused, the better it became to clear my head.
Feeling down is normal. I have been here for nearly two months. I want to start seeing results for my efforts. But moreso, I want to put into play, the circumstances that can eventually lead to me being able to be as creative as I can, making money from that creativity. As I walked home, the thoughts got sharper, and I finally went back to the computer and took another look at my resume and tweaked it again. This time, more confidently than I would have, if I had done it over the last few days.
Going out and changing my surroundings was helpful to my mindset. Sitting in the house promoted brooding.
It was a start.
ALTERNATIVE
I had finished the post and had gone on, doing a number of things, when the idea popped into my head, ask yourself, what would the alternative look like? What would actually staring down your fear of success, produce?
What would it look like? What would it feel like? You have already done it in your words to your mother when she was so negative before your trip.
This is about really believing in yourself for a change and not listening to all of the people who unwittingly want to help you feel comfortable in your dance of failure.
You are worried because you believe that you do not have a road map to this success place.
You are worried because you don't want to imagine that success also comes from sometimes failing, even when you feel success.
But remember, this isn't new to you, this is normal. Life is like that, balance causes failure and success.
So what are you waiting for? You have said many times in your spiritual education that you prefer to choose to try than the alternative, which is to worry, sulk and wring your hands in doubt and fear. In other words, the present way of being isn't working, so a new way of working is the preferred choice.
The same thing applies here.
You got the answer yesterday when you were wondering what to do next. You said to yourself that you should start again, on your first page.
1. What do I want?
2. What do I see for myself?
3. How do I create it?
Doing that helps to clear the cobwebs of doubt, very much the way cleaning a house or throwing out an outdated wardrobe can provide clarity, the same is true for yourself here.
I will not provide the answers to those questions right now, but shall spend some time focusing on them.
I had finished the post and had gone on, doing a number of things, when the idea popped into my head, ask yourself, what would the alternative look like? What would actually staring down your fear of success, produce?
What would it look like? What would it feel like? You have already done it in your words to your mother when she was so negative before your trip.
This is about really believing in yourself for a change and not listening to all of the people who unwittingly want to help you feel comfortable in your dance of failure.
You are worried because you believe that you do not have a road map to this success place.
You are worried because you don't want to imagine that success also comes from sometimes failing, even when you feel success.
But remember, this isn't new to you, this is normal. Life is like that, balance causes failure and success.
So what are you waiting for? You have said many times in your spiritual education that you prefer to choose to try than the alternative, which is to worry, sulk and wring your hands in doubt and fear. In other words, the present way of being isn't working, so a new way of working is the preferred choice.
The same thing applies here.
You got the answer yesterday when you were wondering what to do next. You said to yourself that you should start again, on your first page.
1. What do I want?
2. What do I see for myself?
3. How do I create it?
Doing that helps to clear the cobwebs of doubt, very much the way cleaning a house or throwing out an outdated wardrobe can provide clarity, the same is true for yourself here.
I will not provide the answers to those questions right now, but shall spend some time focusing on them.
My zodiac says today,
" An inability to detach from the past must be overcome.
What you perceive as a failure is draining energy from
other highly worthwhile factors in your life. Let go of
your remorse. Then, watch your heart's dream become
reality."
Isn't that something? I have still been feeling down and it isn't even winter yet. I understand that that season can make people feel this way.
My uncle and I were talking about my plans, and he was also talking about home. The issues were all trying, and although we had a good talk, much later, I focused on something he said about one of our minor segways in conversation. It was something about weaknesses in people. That caused me to evaluate myself. As I was getting ready to go to the library, I was brushing my hair and I wondered, sometimes I feel too delicate for this world.
What would that mean to my daughter? Obviously I do not have the time, nor the luxury to close myself into a cocoon and wait out the storms that may come.
When I feel down, I feel weak. I feel as though I cannot make strong decisions.
I thought that as I felt this, I was setting up for authority figures in my life to step in and say, I told you so. To put me down and in a corner and take over, reminding me why I am too weak.
Actually, let me look at that, that is the pattern, isn't it.
You do, you try, you set up to fail .... because you expect to fail.
You wait for the fallout.
It comes on schedule and predictably.
The language is,
We always knew you couldn't!
And although it hurts, it also feels like a balm
because you are off the hook.
Somehow in failure, you do not need to expend any more effort
after all,
everyone knows you are a miscreant,
a failure.
They don't expect anything more from you.
And by the way,
POOR YOU.
There will always be an answer as to why you didn't try, couldn't make it work, you didn't know, couldn't do
You set up the dance that way.
it is almost impossible to change the music now, in mid step.
But how ingrained is this failure streak?
The very act of writing this, is as light in darkness, shining the light on corners.
Thank got for four little words.
H O P E
" An inability to detach from the past must be overcome.
What you perceive as a failure is draining energy from
other highly worthwhile factors in your life. Let go of
your remorse. Then, watch your heart's dream become
reality."
Isn't that something? I have still been feeling down and it isn't even winter yet. I understand that that season can make people feel this way.
My uncle and I were talking about my plans, and he was also talking about home. The issues were all trying, and although we had a good talk, much later, I focused on something he said about one of our minor segways in conversation. It was something about weaknesses in people. That caused me to evaluate myself. As I was getting ready to go to the library, I was brushing my hair and I wondered, sometimes I feel too delicate for this world.
What would that mean to my daughter? Obviously I do not have the time, nor the luxury to close myself into a cocoon and wait out the storms that may come.
When I feel down, I feel weak. I feel as though I cannot make strong decisions.
I thought that as I felt this, I was setting up for authority figures in my life to step in and say, I told you so. To put me down and in a corner and take over, reminding me why I am too weak.
Actually, let me look at that, that is the pattern, isn't it.
You do, you try, you set up to fail .... because you expect to fail.
You wait for the fallout.
It comes on schedule and predictably.
The language is,
We always knew you couldn't!
And although it hurts, it also feels like a balm
because you are off the hook.
Somehow in failure, you do not need to expend any more effort
after all,
everyone knows you are a miscreant,
a failure.
They don't expect anything more from you.
And by the way,
POOR YOU.
There will always be an answer as to why you didn't try, couldn't make it work, you didn't know, couldn't do
You set up the dance that way.
it is almost impossible to change the music now, in mid step.
But how ingrained is this failure streak?
The very act of writing this, is as light in darkness, shining the light on corners.
Thank got for four little words.
H O P E
Monday, October 22, 2007
Plan D
This week started off with my guns blazing, but without a target. Of cause I thought that I had one, but very soon, I realised that plans I had was not panning out as I hoped. I still feel very optimistic to be here, and very positive about my experiences. I am however a bit impatient. My savings are not limitless, and my plans aren't either, although I consider myself a very creative thinker.
Tonight I am beginning to look at plan D. The thought that I may have to look away from what I know and do.
I have the same hopes as everyone who comes to a new place. I want to get a great form of income that will allow me to live the way that I want to, and to enjoy my life in pursuit of my dreams and goals, knowing that my family are well cared for and can also benefit from the decisions that I make today and in the future.
What is this world but an amalgam of needs and desires. Where do I fit in? What do I do now? How do I proceed? Does it require more education? A move? A change in attitude?
Have I missed the signs? Am I trying hard enough? Do I have what it takes? So many thoughts run through the mind every day.
I continue to push the boundaries of what I know, and I keep looking for new ways to do, and ways to use what I know.
This week started off with my guns blazing, but without a target. Of cause I thought that I had one, but very soon, I realised that plans I had was not panning out as I hoped. I still feel very optimistic to be here, and very positive about my experiences. I am however a bit impatient. My savings are not limitless, and my plans aren't either, although I consider myself a very creative thinker.
Tonight I am beginning to look at plan D. The thought that I may have to look away from what I know and do.
I have the same hopes as everyone who comes to a new place. I want to get a great form of income that will allow me to live the way that I want to, and to enjoy my life in pursuit of my dreams and goals, knowing that my family are well cared for and can also benefit from the decisions that I make today and in the future.
What is this world but an amalgam of needs and desires. Where do I fit in? What do I do now? How do I proceed? Does it require more education? A move? A change in attitude?
Have I missed the signs? Am I trying hard enough? Do I have what it takes? So many thoughts run through the mind every day.
I continue to push the boundaries of what I know, and I keep looking for new ways to do, and ways to use what I know.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
lessons, lessons
I'm walking back from my class, having had a great experience, as well as having gotten a book seller to agree to sell me a hardcover book I want for several dollars less than the asking price, without having to ask him, and winning ten dollars in the lottery. I got back and got a message from the person whose book I am finishing. He was upset with me. He claimed that I did not send him the layout (which I did), and claimed that I should have communicated with him more. He was very emotional, and I held my ground and was as patient as I could be.
I realised that I had to be patient. This is his first book, and I gather that he wanted me to contact him much more often.
I learnt something from this coversation with him....
Clients want to feel that your focus is on their work ONLY
I have always known that, but this time, it is more acute.
He did not like coming to my families home. He got hopelessly lost and I had offered to meet him somewhere in between.
He didn't say this, but what has happened with this 'situation,' is that it is a sort of precersor to freelancing to come.
I know that whoever contacts me has to feel as though they have called a business place. I have already decided that I have to activate my cellphone when the whole thing is decided.
I may even need a Canadian voice, but I'll see. That may not be necessary, but I will not overlook it.
Honestly, this situation also happened to make me look at myself more starkly. I have had many issues doing this book. From using a certain software, to outsourcing the pictures. I also wanted to have my vision realised. I could have finished the book without the icons, but I really wanted to make the book rich. I don't regret that.
When you want to do the best job possible and you want to succeed, there is no room for criticism from the outside when you critique yourself.
It took alot of patience on my part as I said before, because he was wrong on so many points he made to me, but he wanted to vent, and I had to listen as well as stand my ground.
I ended up asking him, what advantage would I have in not providing the best job possible to him?
Honestly I want very few conrontations in my freelance graphic design life. I want to learn how to handle clients without issue. It doesn;t happen over night and it only happens through practice.
I decided that I would learn from it.
Take my own advice.
I'm walking back from my class, having had a great experience, as well as having gotten a book seller to agree to sell me a hardcover book I want for several dollars less than the asking price, without having to ask him, and winning ten dollars in the lottery. I got back and got a message from the person whose book I am finishing. He was upset with me. He claimed that I did not send him the layout (which I did), and claimed that I should have communicated with him more. He was very emotional, and I held my ground and was as patient as I could be.
I realised that I had to be patient. This is his first book, and I gather that he wanted me to contact him much more often.
I learnt something from this coversation with him....
Clients want to feel that your focus is on their work ONLY
I have always known that, but this time, it is more acute.
He did not like coming to my families home. He got hopelessly lost and I had offered to meet him somewhere in between.
He didn't say this, but what has happened with this 'situation,' is that it is a sort of precersor to freelancing to come.
I know that whoever contacts me has to feel as though they have called a business place. I have already decided that I have to activate my cellphone when the whole thing is decided.
I may even need a Canadian voice, but I'll see. That may not be necessary, but I will not overlook it.
Honestly, this situation also happened to make me look at myself more starkly. I have had many issues doing this book. From using a certain software, to outsourcing the pictures. I also wanted to have my vision realised. I could have finished the book without the icons, but I really wanted to make the book rich. I don't regret that.
When you want to do the best job possible and you want to succeed, there is no room for criticism from the outside when you critique yourself.
It took alot of patience on my part as I said before, because he was wrong on so many points he made to me, but he wanted to vent, and I had to listen as well as stand my ground.
I ended up asking him, what advantage would I have in not providing the best job possible to him?
Honestly I want very few conrontations in my freelance graphic design life. I want to learn how to handle clients without issue. It doesn;t happen over night and it only happens through practice.
I decided that I would learn from it.
Take my own advice.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
new day
My letter drove home the point it was meant to. I was quite surprised because I am resolved that any continuation, any inkling of that sort of thing shall lead me right back here, and I will walk.
I think that it is necessary for me to keep my focus. He really got me upset, and I found his reaction way overblown for the circumstances. Tonight, he explained all of the stresses he is facing, but that is no reason to add me to his list of personal concerns.
It was good for me to stand my ground and to know that I would be fine and that I can see myself doing well, no matter what.
Ultimately life is not about your loved one's hold on your emotions, but your own hold on emotions.
I asked myself a few questions in my soul searching today, and that is a good place to start. What do I want for myself in the next few months?
I have a number of options, the course that I am doing is one where I can continue to study and add Flash. Doing that can lead to a number of design jobs. Then there is my personal work for exhibition. There is a show in November in Trinidad that I am now thinking about, as I got that email today. Then there is the information that I got during Thanksgiving about submitting works to galleries. I also have a hunch about Columbia University in New York and have to follow up on that in November.
There is still Italy and France looming near as well, but those things cannot be dealt with until at least 2009 in one instance and after February 2008 in the other.
The great thing about Europe is that it opens a whole slew of new possibilities.
Writing this is making me feel better already.
I have choices and amazing things to look forward to, and that doesn't even include the most important thing of all, my little one! I was feeling so down a little while ago when I thought about her. I miss her all the time, but sometimes I miss her even more than normal, and I grieve in a way. This is the hardest part of being away from her.
But back to the plans. There are a few, and they are all do-able.
One of the things that I must do too, is my own site. Particularly if I decide as I am considering, to have a virtual business online. That is also very exciting to me. I have begun to research that as well.
So there we are, I have a number of options, and for tonight, that's a good start.
My letter drove home the point it was meant to. I was quite surprised because I am resolved that any continuation, any inkling of that sort of thing shall lead me right back here, and I will walk.
I think that it is necessary for me to keep my focus. He really got me upset, and I found his reaction way overblown for the circumstances. Tonight, he explained all of the stresses he is facing, but that is no reason to add me to his list of personal concerns.
It was good for me to stand my ground and to know that I would be fine and that I can see myself doing well, no matter what.
Ultimately life is not about your loved one's hold on your emotions, but your own hold on emotions.
I asked myself a few questions in my soul searching today, and that is a good place to start. What do I want for myself in the next few months?
I have a number of options, the course that I am doing is one where I can continue to study and add Flash. Doing that can lead to a number of design jobs. Then there is my personal work for exhibition. There is a show in November in Trinidad that I am now thinking about, as I got that email today. Then there is the information that I got during Thanksgiving about submitting works to galleries. I also have a hunch about Columbia University in New York and have to follow up on that in November.
There is still Italy and France looming near as well, but those things cannot be dealt with until at least 2009 in one instance and after February 2008 in the other.
The great thing about Europe is that it opens a whole slew of new possibilities.
Writing this is making me feel better already.
I have choices and amazing things to look forward to, and that doesn't even include the most important thing of all, my little one! I was feeling so down a little while ago when I thought about her. I miss her all the time, but sometimes I miss her even more than normal, and I grieve in a way. This is the hardest part of being away from her.
But back to the plans. There are a few, and they are all do-able.
One of the things that I must do too, is my own site. Particularly if I decide as I am considering, to have a virtual business online. That is also very exciting to me. I have begun to research that as well.
So there we are, I have a number of options, and for tonight, that's a good start.
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