My zodiac says today,
" An inability to detach from the past must be overcome.
What you perceive as a failure is draining energy from
other highly worthwhile factors in your life. Let go of
your remorse. Then, watch your heart's dream become
reality."

Isn't that something? I have still been feeling down and it isn't even winter yet. I understand that that season can make people feel this way.
My uncle and I were talking about my plans, and he was also talking about home. The issues were all trying, and although we had a good talk, much later, I focused on something he said about one of our minor segways in conversation. It was something about weaknesses in people. That caused me to evaluate myself. As I was getting ready to go to the library, I was brushing my hair and I wondered, sometimes I feel too delicate for this world.
What would that mean to my daughter? Obviously I do not have the time, nor the luxury to close myself into a cocoon and wait out the storms that may come.
When I feel down, I feel weak. I feel as though I cannot make strong decisions.
I thought that as I felt this, I was setting up for authority figures in my life to step in and say, I told you so. To put me down and in a corner and take over, reminding me why I am too weak.

Actually, let me look at that, that is the pattern, isn't it.

You do, you try, you set up to fail .... because you expect to fail.
You wait for the fallout.
It comes on schedule and predictably.
The language is,
We always knew you couldn't!
And although it hurts, it also feels like a balm
because you are off the hook.

Somehow in failure, you do not need to expend any more effort
after all,
everyone knows you are a miscreant,
a failure.
They don't expect anything more from you.

And by the way,

POOR YOU.


There will always be an answer as to why you didn't try, couldn't make it work, you didn't know, couldn't do

You set up the dance that way.

it is almost impossible to change the music now, in mid step.

But how ingrained is this failure streak?

The very act of writing this, is as light in darkness, shining the light on corners.

Thank got for four little words.

H O P E