how honest is honest?

This I must ask myself because I want to write much more, but I don't even dare to do so here, and the question really is why? My feelings are growing for someone from my past. I like the way that I feel, but the timing is all wrong. All wrong. There is an obstacle, and he is approaching me now because his obstacle is no longer in his way.
I know that I cannot continue with what has begun to happen between us. I know it, but it is hard to tear myself away. I cannot believe that I am so weak? I used to pride myself on being quite the opposite. Not even necessarily strong, but just able to say no, able to withstand certain advances.
But he is coming at me in the right way, massaging my defences, challenging my boundaries, slipping in through our friendship and old love and worming around my resolve.
I can't bare it when he looks directly at me, and he does this a great deal, and smiles as though he and I hold some secret, which in a way, we do.
I didn't realise that so much had lain dormant? I took it for granted. To me, I lay that baggage down a long time ago and moved on. But now, I see that it was strong, it was beautiful and it was resilient.