Tuesday, May 23, 2017
two-clearing the dust
The constant demand for more,do more,give me more...I could not bear it anymore. I saw no need for a relationship. I concluded that I was better alone. I thought that all that would happen is that I would keep getting the same man in different guises. I was skeptical underneath all the hopes I had written about what I said so many times I wanted. I didn't actually believe that "he" existed.
I have always said that I exist, so he is out there existing too. I do believe that. But that is not enough, the inner and outer must agree.
Now, I understand. I get it.
What I wanted, I had to give it to myself, and what I felt with him was a reflection of myself. That is why I believed that I had met 'the one," and perhaps I did meet him. He however had other plans.
He also has no idea how much he has impacted my life. No idea at all.
That is a bit jokey and a little sad in a way, that someone could do that and have no idea.
All the things said was so beautiful,so fulfilling. So etched in promise. To have touched heaven was amazing. It was about acceptance of the person no matter what. It was willingness to come together and be "us.' Imagine, an US? I was not afraid to say us and we and yet I hadn't had to give up anything of myself because I was completely open. It was because I was made vulnerable, I could receive.
WTF! That blew my mind. I had no fear. I had certainty.
For all who have felt that, what a tremendous gift indeed.
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