musings are not always amusing

A few days ago I had an exchange with someone and I thought that we were in good standing. However, they chose to look at what transpired very differently from me. The good thing was that they told me about it tonight. What was interesting in our dialogue is something that I have experienced all week with women, specifically. Everyone has had selective hearing. I am speaking, but they are only listening to what they want to hear. Or, what they hear only relates to the level of the experience they want to have. At first I felt a bit offended and exasperated. But, feeling both emotions now make me pause and view beyond naming what I feel. By doing so, I become aware that something is happening for me to observe. What I conclude is this-: some people 'say' that they want something, but they do not really want to do what they need to do to make it happen. In the case of this person, they are in their own way. They blame everything but themselves for their predicament. It made me feel a bit sad actually, because I am certain that I can see this now because I behaved this way a great deal in my own life. I can see now that it comes form fear, it comes from not trusting a process. it comes from having no understanding of possibilities...I can go on and on. I am conscious of this very seriously now because of what I want to experience next in my own life. If I am going to have some of the things that I want for myself, I too shall have to think differently. I see it every day when I exercise and when I eat. I see how my body reacts to the food I consume and the way that I choose to push my body and I really learn so much about life from that. Another huge revelation that I am experiencing because the person I like lives in another country for a few months more...the distance helps me to see old patterns and observe alternative ways of acting. I am used to a man calling me. In fact, I usually expect that men who like me get very quickly addicted to contacting me often. I don't call them. They call me. I expect that that is the pattern of behavior. This time around, this person and I are not doing that, and I am beating up myself in facing that probably I should call him. I had started alright, but began to feel really odd about it, and decided that I would not do anything that made me feel weird or not like myself. My contradictory views are-: on the one hand, I am thinking that I should just chill until we meet again. But then there is the other side that says, ok, shouldn't both of you be at least communicating once a week with a call or something?!? I guess I should ask myself that question. I stated that I usually don't call men. Its not that I am not attracted or interested. They make the effort or make it their habit. But I don't make it mine, and with this person, I have stated before that I feel that I have met myself. So this is damn interesting. This conundrum has made me conclude something today. I am going to do what makes me feel most myself.