looking ahead

Working on my own project really did wonders for my attitude this week. At one point I got a call from a friend who is going through a great deal with her boyfriend. More on that in awhile. For myself, I had a few low moments where I despared about my direction. I was able to quickly assess my emotions and from that, my goals and get back on track. But then, I got some calls from people, as stated above and I saw how my good feelings seemed to be sought out by them. I listened to these people with their issues, but I limited how much time and how much energy I would funnel their way. One of the things capturing my interest right now is the gulf between feeling that I cannot accomplish what I set out to do against the backdrop of seeing no way forward. I have been in that position several times. For example, I want to create a business. I do all that I can to set things up, and the last thing I may need is money to purchase things. I look around and find that not only do I not have the money, the money I was promised from jobs I have completed, I am being given the run around to collect. That stalls my dreams and goals. When I finally do get the money, I am faced with repaying soft loans taken from family just to go to work...and re-paying other debts. That always leaves me dismayed and really despondent about my efforts and future. Usually, this leaves me in a deep funk, and I literally find that I have to climb out of it as though it were the trenches in a war zone. Recently, I have been observing this, and I have begun to ask myself, how can I look at everything that I am experiencing as both learning and also asset to me. I have found men interested in me as I am striving to make my businesses happen. The lat time, I specifically said that I was too busy to start anything with anyone. To me, the conclusion was that I was left bereft in love and in business when I accepted the person's charms. One had nothing to do with the other though. It just felt as though I had failed spectacularly in every aspect of my life that I make decisions on. Now, I am seeing that I should not have such dramatic views of things. If I were investing in these things without any emotional attatchment, I would not be so keen to label everything a failure. i would instead be looking at how I could still advance despite the perceived setbacks, because advancement is inevitable. I cannot stay in one place anyway. I see that as a very good thing. I see the fact that I am single also as a very good thing, after all, my advancement is personal to me, whether someone joins my life with me or not. I am responsible for myself. There is advantage in being able to sit with myself and see possibilities. If I could not see that, I think that that would be truly tragic. Also, I think about The Towers. The nickname I gave him now chills me a little. I was dead on with that one. He can make no strategic moves now. Where is his money now? Has he accomplished what he wanted to do? What now? Then, I mentioned my friend....it seems that she is in a really emotionally interesting place, and I am going to write about this in another post as this one is getting long...I noticed some things that are important to recount. So, I did all of that soul searching and I am feeling much better about the way things are going, and I am confident that although emotions are so strong and so challenging, the most important thing I have learned is that I will not fall apart so badly that I cannot rise again.