Monday, October 22, 2018

readymade

A friend was telling me about the outcome of a relationship that he thought he was having with someone I also know. I know that she would not be into him in any way other than a friend. But he took it to another level. What was interesting is that the way he discussed her with me, I saw something similar in my issue with the Spartan. We speak online every day, because he contacts me...notice how I wrote that, sounding like he is at fault. The point to me is that here I am on the one hand wishing that I had regular communication with juliemangoman...although when I did have it, I felt uncomfortable and pushed it away. Now, this person who I do not have feelings for, wants to contact me every day and night...way in excess of my need to communicate, and I feel the obvious irony and worry that it is happening to show me something...like...gasp...maybe I am getting what I give? This is actually typical Catholic guilt. I am always looking for meaning, so I see the irony, and these things happen. I have not led on the Spartan on any level. Nor am I having any romantic entanglement with him. I made it very clear that I am interested in someone else. It's just how unfortunate it feels. I know that I speak with him because we are in similar fields, so I find him interesting. But the very thought that I feel as I do and I can hurt his feelings at the end of the day, bothers me. I would not like what I see as having a friend to be misconstued for something more. (Put this way, and writing here...this is why I love writing as I do...it helps me with s many things.) One issue does not beget the other. I have gone on what I was told and actions with juliemangoman. Right now, the ball is not in my court, but it doesn't mean that I am off the field. Lol. However, I am also focusing on minding my own business. I am very occupied. I know that he shall be making some appearances on this blog, and there shall be so much more to explore.

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