light bulb moment

A few days ago I was sitting in a taxi taking the scenic route out of the valley because of the bridge reconstruction. I have been traveling like this for about three months, so, I have become used to looking at certain things and searching out other details every day. In so doing, I had a moment when I thought of juliemangoman and tried to stop the rush of feelings that came to me right away. Then something clicked for me. I named what I was feeling as longing or desire...and bam, I realized that when I am thinking, as I am now on better things, things I want to experience instead of the things that keep me back, I may be putting out such feelings instead of those of already having the experience. This is probably why I get more of the so close but yet so far results. That may be a stretch, but I think that the next time I make a decision about what I should be experiencing, I need to take my emotional temperature. ........ So, what should acceptance and already having what I desire feel like? I can answer that by stating what it isn't. It isn't feeling anxious. It isn't doubt. It's acceptance. It's calm. It's quiet. It is knowing that its there. That's what I have to build on, and the illusion has proven difficult because of all of the distractions that creep up. But now that I have alerted myself to what I feel, I am going to give this awareness a shot.