perspectives and perceptions

After the challenging conversation with my friend that had me questioning whether I even wanted to be friends again....I went right back down the rabbit hole two days later when she was more amenable. This time, I got information that I never knew..but before I even get to that, I want to state that it can be difficult to be there for a friend when they neglect to tell you all of a story, but encourage you to give your opinion during their conversation. Today I had her go back into her own childhood, and we discovered together some family traits and habits that have come right up to her own children's behavior. What was tricky, was that it took nearly two hours of talking to see the patterns. But even more so, my friend finally stated that she always gets what she wants and that she is no longer concerned with what she had spent even more hours going on and on about days ago. I have to conclude that her passive/aggressive streak is in full effect. Writing about her fascinates me because there is so much to observe in her actions and I want to understand it for my own reasons, which include what I too may do in my own life as well. If you know that you always get what you want, then why carry on when you think that things are not going your way? All that you really have to do os wait and watch and know that you will have what you want anyway! So now I believe that she may say it with her mouth, but getting her way is problematic, because whether she gets it now or later...she is impatient in the process. The other striking fact was the question of value. Her ex husband never really supported her girls. However, he can now offer two houses and land to them, so one of the girls in particular is very keen on keeping up a good relationship with him. My friend says that she has nothing to leave them in a will. So my question to her was, then what do you have to leverage? What do you have to offer? We concluded that they are resentful about assisting her with her rent, but will not tell her outright...and the amount is such a small sum when one considers how they both spend their money. But they don't believe in standing orders and prefer to pay it monthly from where they are via one of the international money transfer kiosks. Why such an arrangement, I ask this all of the time and cannot fathom it! But that is the way it is....so instead of the two hundred dollars coming out of their accounts naturally every month, they quibble with each other from time to time about who will pay it and when. These are women with two businesses between them. Somewhere along the line, paying her rent got onerous, and they also pay for her trip to see them and the rent when she visits for two to three months every year sans Covid-19,2020. Their relationship is made awkward because they want to know whether she gets any other moneys apart from them...when they already know that she does. However, it isn't enough to also pay that rent and neither of them have wanted to have her leave everything behind and live with them either. Observing all of this is something else...the whole parent, children thing is one I have seen over and over again. Who will take care of the person who took care of you? But it is the value thing that caught my attention. If she had properties or assets, we both think that her treatment would be better. But as her situation is what it is, I am hoping that she can truly transcend her children and launch out on her own without needing their money as the situation will continue to be an issue.