new choices

My sister had been telling us about the process of her surgery every step of the way. Today she sounded stronger. We have gone on her adventure with her. We have done what we do, we support her and we are there for her. This week I have been speaking from an awareness of the whole playing field. I had an unexpected conversation thrown onto me about the months before my divorce. I was literally being told what I went through as though I didn't know my own story. However I was amazed at myself. I have grown considerably since that time. I didn't care whether they agreed with my version of my story or not. Usually I attempt to be measured and sober about things because when I am overly emotional as I had been back then, and can be on occassion, I am not helped by it. Speaking openly about the past did something even more miraculous,I saw the patterns, the misdirections, intentions and mis-steps. Blaming was pointless. I also saw how much something like that, though casting a long shadow of emotion over ones life, it does not mean that one has to live ones life thinking that it carries into the future. My sister's surgery is like that. You can go on and on with the expected doubts, anxieties and then...life happening. You decide or you don't decide and you can see the playing field.