Monday, August 2, 2021

Unreasonable Doubt

I am having an introspective moment of moments. A dear friend and I spoke tonight and she was very helpfully making me see how little I have to do to just get ahead with one or two things that I am doing. I have a habit of coming up with what is always some grand idea that I then pursue in my mind for hours, days, weeks and sometimes months and years. I go over and over in my mind all the variables. Sometimes I take action and I write down and sketch and scribble. Other times I go even further, creating prototypes and even testing things with tangible concepts literally in hand, and then .....they go nowhere. So, she is being helpful, and I am hearing myself sounding like I am flailing around trying to sound confident while my mind is reeling about what I did not accomplish. However, I did also listen. I listened to her, I listened to my insecurity and I listened to the silence too. Anything that feels untested and uncharted makes me always feel better to keep on the written page and not fully explored beyond a certain point. She was talking to me in a way that I talk to so many people who want my advice. I appreciated it.There is a block between me and what I want although I do do so many things that do not stall me at all. Some things I just do...yet, some things, I just don't finish. In all of this, I decided that I had to look at my flawed logic, or comfortabe positioning? It is all enough for me to pause for a moment and ask myself the pivotal question of what is my stall? She is telling me "just do it". I have told myself the same thing many a time. So what is it? I got an answer with our conversation. She was able to ask a question that pinpointed why I did not take one of my grand ideas as far as I could, after so much work. It turned out to be a small but very valid reason. Breaking down personal misconceptions is key here. I think it was all very helpful and I shall obviously write more on this as I see how it has assisted me going forward.

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