and yet still

Sometimes I wonder whether where I am and where I wondered I would be at twenty and thirty I now see that I am embodying now for what the I shall be in my future. At twenty I remember trying impossiblyto form some sort of cheatsheet to the future. Could I reach out and plot the points to get me to where I had no idea I might be going. I wondered, I hoped that I would put more of my steps right than wrong. But alas, that is wishful thinking. Friends died. Things ended. Some other things began. I am now here. I think the lithmus test is whether I am still hopeful. I think that that is a blessing and quite enough.