wanting to be so good that nothing happens

One of the things that I want to do for my birthday is to create a little book of my own work. I have wanted to be published, but it has not happened, so I have decided to make it happen anyway. I am coming to realisations that all that effort and longing and in some ways, forcing certain expectations in life are just stress inducing indulgences. Of course that may be the conclusion because of natural defeat. I say that to be funny, and I do mean it. I think that I am getting to the fleshier part of the proverbial onion whose layers are to be peeled back. As things fall away, you really focus differently. ALso within what does also continue to have a smidge of the past anxiety no matter...just old habits reminding myself of the journey...there is a clarity in it all.