Three incidents over the last few days has rallied me to confront and resolve an issue that has been plagueing me for some time. As I mention constantly, sitting with my thoughts, stilling myself has been immensely helpful. I have never been explosive, quick to anger and lashing out. However I have been emotional about things that happen to me and reactionary, and I have always criticized myself for it. I must also state that I am not trying to be an emotionless robot. I am just aware of the way some behavior of mine produces a result that I see as unbeneficial to me and moreso, hindering my ability to move forward with goals or plans.I find myself stuck in a loop of self criticism. So the further and better stilling has been a little miracle. So, anyway, the three things were so different, but extremely similar. From someone trying to manipulate me to buy something that I told them I wouldn't...to someone making some bogus reasoning behind something I worked on when the original was generic and worse, meaningless...to the person I have been working with for three years on a book suddenly writing me to say that they no longer want to go on. The three things would normally get me to spend a lot of time trying to understand the other persons behavior and why did it turn out as it had,or some element of 'feeling' badly and wondering how to fix it, ,,,total people pleasing. I see the three as similar because each person in some way is a bully. They are allmaking some kind of demand of me where I have no obligation to any of them. In every circumstance I owe nothing, yet, they demand my time in a way that led me to sit up and have to take notice that enough is enough! I have been writing elsewhere that many of my projects are non paying and I love them...but I have to make what to me is a hard decision to work on them only when I can really afford to do so. It is presently true that I do sort of do that now, but this is because the things that do pay me take their sweet time to get to it. So for example I only got my contract last week Friday when I and other staff have been working for over a month, and my direct superior told me recently that she hadn't been paid since July! SO there you go,while I whine, others have even more cause. But today, I just had it! I value my time and value....my time.