Last night I automatically started to write Richard an email, and last night I thought I heard someone say Hold on Richard, I'll get her for you.
This was not an, oh, I do not feel well, and let's go to the doctor. This was ill and then death. I had been nagging him to have a check-up. I know that I cannot assume anything until the autopsy results come back. But today, I feel more wild eyed than yesterday.
I was able to sleep, I made sure of that by really pushing myself yesterday.
But today, I had to push myself out of bed with the knowledge that I cannot call my best friend on the phone to find out how he is feeling.
I can never do this, ever again...


I have to get up and go on with my life.
I have to spend some time today to put my thoughts in place about how I am going to move forward.
If I do not do this, I think that I shall never recover from this.