what does this mean?

The death of my closest friend is bringing into perspective things about my life that I knew would be coming up because of the fact that we were so close and we were also business partners. So, I knew that this would throw me into a tailspin about what I want to do now. But, tonight, I am also finding myself thinking about this whole sadness and coming to terms with his loss.
I have been here before, losing someone very close. The last time, in my twenties,it was new to me. Now, knowing what to expect makes it a bit more unusual. On the one hand I have an idea of what I will be going through, but on the other hand, I have no idea where this shall all lead me.
I am also aware of something that I was observing before he died, and that was my shift in mood. The fact that when I felt confident it was so thorough and when I felt the opposite, I also felt it as complete. I was beginning to feel that I had many more positive, productive days than not. But now, I wonder whether that shall become harder for me?
It is early yet, so I am experiencing ups and downs in one day. I am feeling very up and then very, very down and I am trying to deal with it as it comes.It is just hard to take, knowing that just weeks ago we did things together and now he's gone.
Should I look at everything that has felt like a loss, as a new beginning? It might be the wisest thing to do.