old constructs and new ways forward

The many issues I have faced since my Fathers' passing has kept me even more contemplative than ever. What is the point of it all crops up, and I do my best to stave off depression over his loss. There is a topic that I have been taking into account because of all of my feelings being so raw, and that is the way I have made some things in my life a great challenge over time by my own expectations. I look back now and see that I had opportunities to change where I am now into something so much easier to have been handled. But at that time, the thing itself seemed so insurmountable. What I must do for myself now is to be conscious that whatever I am facing now, I must do everything in my ability to not think that way again. Even when things seem impossible, and absolutely hopeless, the best thing to do is to at least put it down. Adding to the issue with negative views of yourself only creates more of it. You have to be there to see the thing through. Adding doom and gloom to the problem as I know now, is a sure fire way to stay in the muck. Observing what my friend did to me has been an excellent guide to seeing how a belief structure works. And, as I stated before, why would anyone in their right mind want to sabotage themselves? The bad feelings come up and they appear completely real. Before you know it, your walking around with it as though it was always part of your physical make-up. It gets into your pours. You see it in the mirror behind your smile. The very death it creates to all of your hopes, plans and dreams is astounding!I am guarding against that foe now, as it creeps up as such a supportive friend.