up and down

I felt that way today. A rush of emotions regarding the death of my Father. I have been there before with my partner, but this is my father, so although I know the feeling, every death is different.A parent, the ultimate. So I just kept quiet, and felt it and felt it. I woke up and felt the entirety of covid-19 from the aspect of "what is my future now?" Things will never be the same. Even what I wanted to be doing, I am now so conscious that I don't even know whether it can be done as I envisioned it. My Mother put it well, she says that the world is in free fall. There is some freedom in that statement though, because you could really just fling up your hands and conclude that any thought you have now about anything is indeed personal to you and relevant to the situation at hand and going forward.