about that mango...

I wrote yesterday that I still find my mind wondering about juliemagoman. I must make clear that although he brought out the actual L O V E feeling in me, I didn't really know him. Do we ever know anyone?I had issue with communicating with him as we lived in different countries. Going out today is not like it was before I got married. You like someone or someone likes you...you exchange information and the dance begins. They start texting you, you start texting back. Instantly, the first rules of etiquette surface...how much is too much? What happens when you become comfortable with each other? He tells you that his phone died and that he couldn't send you a Facebook text either? When does that little bit of poison called doubt start filtering into the heat? Jumiemangoman told me his plans and dreams and then ghosted.I had to find out that he returned to his marriage via Facebook. I got no heads up at all. For the third time with him, he left me feeling on top of the world and those feelings came crashing down and to make things even worse, I was not surprised by what happened. He was not as in charge of his life as he lead me to believe. I did feel a tiny bit better to read the words from her saying..."guess whose back together!" As she smiled into his face as he looked like a deer caught in headlights, her hand placed on his chin as though she were working him like the puppet he probably is. I sound bitter. .......................................................................................... These experiences take a great deal out of me, and that is why they are infrequent and far between. I do not seek people out. They gallop over. (lol) But he brought out feelings in me that I did not even suspect about myself, and that was such a gift to me. I am grateful for it. .......................................................................................... To avoid the dating mind field I just don't play. My sister and I were talking about a cousin of ours, as I am on this topic. He comes across like a choir boy. But she and I now have his number very, very well. He leaves broken hearts in his wake. You do not see him coming. He uses his looks, great manner and ability to listen more than he talks, and he is also funny and charming. To his credit, we think that he actually does fall in love with the woman he chooses. He is like a lightening bolt, he gets all dramatic about marriage and forever and is overly enthusiastic about the relationship. He is a text addict...writing you during work hours, leaving work early to swing by your house for a quicky...he tells them that he's never felt like that before and that they must be soulmates, he just knows it. He introduces the person to us....they meet us...thrilled that he is letting them into his sanctum santorum...his family...it must be serious! You could see them literally thinking that he is the bestest guy in the world and that they are so lucky! What did they do to deserve him? Then BAM!Just as the woman starts exhibiting love and accept, expectations and shuffling around her life to accommodate him, he bounces right out of their lives and I am very embarrassed to report that he also left one of those ladies pregnant. But she was wise and sued him in court. ........................................................................................... When you know stories like that, it makes all of the great stories...and there are way more beautiful endings than disasters (thank god) that I can relate to. Stories like his make you cautious. I do still believe that building on a friendship despite the crazy chemistry that you feel, is imperative!You can't make someone love you. You can only do your best. That last experience I had, the conversations showed me who he was, and I have to state that I feel a bit sorry that he is in that place. He was brave to tell me that he has no money, he suffers from depression, and that sex for him only involves penetration and kissing. (That's a lot of honest information right there)and I didn't dump him.I wanted to contact him and ask him to meet me, and i was going to let him know that it coudn't work out...but I think that he caught wind of my intentions and bailed before I could do it. Whatever the situation, here I am now. Fresh Start. Fresh Start all around. In work and in play. I think that 20-20 is a good time as any for this new start.