new year/new work

The world seems completely out of control. If I believed in it, I would agree with the doomsday sayers that WE ARE IN THE LAST DAYS....All of Australia is on fire. Donald Trump and the nation of Iraq are staring each other down, not budging about impending World War III and it is not even mid January 2020.I am grateful for one of my favorite sayings...when nothing is promised...everything is possible.. That brings we some reprieve. Also, after always being terrified of what can happen next, there comes a time amazingly enough, that fear becomes the charge by which all actions can spring in a good way. By terror being fed everywhere to everyone all of the time, one can say, oh, it's like the landscape, familiar and a bit distant, but I could easily touch part of it. I will not be doing my usual work this semester. I found out a few hours ago when I checked the schedule. This means that I have the opportunity to do all of the projects I set out for myself. It also means that there is no more time to be unsure about my next steps. I am excited and I am terrified at once. I am so glad that terrified no longer feels the way it used to. I know to take everything one step at a time and all will be well. The other day I was thinking about my life and I got to a stage where everything just felt so heavy. There seemed to be a huge map before me of confusing steps and mis-steps. I had to tell myself that my musings were unfair to me...what was the purpose of focusing on everything with regret?All of my life has not been a waste. Slowly, I perked up as I thought about my child and experiences that mean a great deal to me. Eventually, even the things that have made me doubt and question did not seem only about pain, but about growth too. I am such a solitary person that ever so often I am reminded that I experience the life of the hermit...I have a great deal of time with my thoughts. I think that I spend more time with myself than with any other person. That of course is a factor in the judgements I place on myself. PERSPECTIVE...is everything.