magnify the glass

There is an observation that I want to make about the disagreement that I had with my friend. I chose to step back after I told her how I felt about what she was saying to me, and I deduced that what she was telling me had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her past experiences. I think that most arguments people have, have something to do with what affected them strongly in their past. You either work to do better, or you work to avoid experiencing anything like the things that hurt you, ever again. I recall that just as I accepted that I liked, even loved juliemangoman, that I had a hell of a lot of baggage from my past that I had thought I had processed and unpacked, show up like a hurricane upon me. I was devastated by the awareness at the time. Even with the last person... his past as I knew it and my past seemed discordant with whatever we may have been able to build next. But I am writing because I think that I am on to something momentous with this observation about the way that we all behave. You may be having a relationship or an experience with someone. But you are also having multiple relationships of a sort. You are having reminders and memories that are being processed through you. You are having physical and emotional tests taking place as you appear neutral, perhaps even laughing with someone and giving them good eye contact. All of that is going on and you are coming to conclusions that you weigh and decide whether that person is a friend or foe. They are also doing the same with you. With all of that judging going on, you really do not know how much of the experience is authentic to the moment. The only way to know, is to be genuine yourself. It takes maturity to listen to someone arguing with you or blaming you for something you have no inkling of, and just allowing them to vent and then resisting the urge to argue back to win. What you do next is also of importance, because, after they calm down and even if they apologize, you have to be willing to not lord things over the other person. You accept their 'difference.' They were able to show you by their actions, a way that something small can become big. They have shown you the way that misunderstanding can lead to unpleasantness, and that ultimately, we are all like little frightened children at the end of the day.