mechanism

As I set out on my new path, I am confronting some old stories. The difference this time is my awareness. Of course I have hopes and dreams, and I have experience. I know that what I think and even imbue with energy does not come to pass. Sometimes it is a great thing, but not while it is happening. For example, I may go through an experience and wonder what outcome will occur, and my vision would be Hollywood-esk, a complete literary bombshell! But the reality would be something more subtle. It may include aspects of my belief, but it would definately not happen as my mind told the stories. This is the case with creating a new business. I have been here many times, so much so that I see no need to really write up a business plan. What sends my mind in directionless spaces, is the fact that as a creative person I have a deep desire to just sit at home and make and make, and make work. (Sounds great!) But, bills come every day. So, I am also sending the message out to one or two people that I am looking for work. I am also considering brushing up on some skills and learning new ones. All of this sounds pro-active and really smart. Sure, but really, my concern is money. I am feeling alright about it at the moment, but at months end I would have paid out my usual bills and then what? Like everyone else in the world,I have certain debts that keep me having to work to pay them. Lol. What I am hearing myself saying is that I want to do a fun, soul satisfying job and I want to be able to pay my bills and do the things that I want to do in a comfortable way. Can I do that? ............. I believe that the answer is yes, I can do that. How do I go about it? ............. Diversifying is at the heart of the answer to the questions that I am putting to myself. I have to just do something towards my goals every day...which I am doing. I know that I shall feel discouraged, and even worse... pointless in my progress. However, all of this is part of anything one does in ones working life. My solitary nature exacerbates and makes large to me things that everyone feels but somehow manages via friends, ambient noises, music and other distractions. I have the opportunity now to start again, something that I know many people would literally kill to be able to do. I am feeling the vastness of the fact and now feeling my feet.