what you resist persists

How many times have I read that whatever you want in life you must embody it first?A ton of times!Now that I take my emotional and energy temperature all the time, my eyes are opening wider and wider. I see when I experience conflict in others, the importance of letting them speak, so I can see where they are coming from and what they are saying and not saying. I now am able to onserve without feeling that I need to fix their problem. I also know now how to not absorb their anxiety. What has been interesting too is observing where I connect or attract a particular energy. My mother and I had a funny incident that proves this. She bought a large container of milk with a screw cap and I kept it to put n the kitchen cupboard. usually I know that she doesn't keep them because we do try to keep plastics, but we just can't keep everything for re-use. So she saw it and told me that she was throwing it away. I took it up and stashed it in the laundry room next to the iron. Hours later, she's back from the super food market and has two large containers of the same milk. They are joined together by a hard plastic ring like the kind you see for six pack beer. She is able to push one open, but the other one gives her trouble and the black clasp to open the milk breaks off and is nowhere to be found. What does she need? She needs the cover of the milk container I felt somehow compelled to keep...but she has thrown it away in the trash. We had a good little chat about intention, hunches and blind faith. That made us feel a sense of spiritual support from that experience. I have had this also happen with other little things, like taking too many paper towels in the morning and then realising that I need it for something completely unrelated, or someone needed one. Those little moments of kismet are beautiful to behold. Everything feels like it has lined up and that your intelligence is way greater than you actually give yourself credit for. If only you would tune everything out all of the time and focus squarely on the natural rhythm of the world!Perhaps I have to confront what I receive, more. I have so many moments where I could have acted, but chose to decline. I know that I am improving. Once upon a time I would have pycho-analyzed everything I just wrote. On yet another note, I had a situation happen yesterday where I met an old colleague. I had not seen him in a few years. I had gone to the pharmacy with my aunt. I saw him first and approached to wish him all the best for the new year. He was so rude and obnoxious, thinking he was being complementary and ...I suppose clever. It was horrendous. I told him point blank that he was being mean, but he just kept up his onslaught until I finally made an escape. I have to note that I had a similar odd energy from a guy I paid to drop me to and from on or before New Years Eve. It is as though the person doesn't like me. They don't wish me well, but they are attracted to me. I am thinking that after all of tis time there is something in that sense of rejection. Attracting rejection...I used to be loathe to be in a situation where someone showed that they didn't like me. I can recall one or two experiences where I was bullied, and the person, a bigger girl terrified me in primary school. But with that guy at the pharmacy, I heard everything he said and I had the best reaction I could not have imagined in the moment....I said to myself, I don't care what he thinks or says. This certainly isn't about me at all. I stepped back from all the trash he was spilling. Earlier that day, I was not feeling one hundred percent about myself. I was doing the negative self talk, but by the time we were on our journey my mood lightened. Clearly, that person picked up on it and matched his with mine. I believe that that is why so many of us believe in bad luck, karma or black magic. The body reacts long before the mind processes the pros and cons of a situation. What I really love about the way that I think now is that I know that I do not have to believe everything I conger up. I don't have to believe everything that I think. I don't have to imagine that someone is talking about me negatively...it doesn't matter if they are, that is their right and none of my business. Even if I am the worst person someone can encounter, as long as I am minding my own truth, my own concerns and not pushing my emotions on others...that's what matters. I have never understood why anyone feels that they have to have other people to be able to be at their best. However, as much as I enjoy my time, I do miss my best friend...gone a decade now! How absurd is that! Ten years in a few months... I do miss my ex- husband as well sometimes. I have decided to confront all of the things I cringe about and find my way to the other side. if I don't do that, I will just be making a bigger deal and building a threat to myself that I will then have to deal with. Right now, my desire is to focus on my very,very best.