Discovery

I realised today the things that bother me about my relationship with my husband are the same things that bother him about me. Of late I have begun to believe that we are the same person.
Not only that, I am also his parents and he is mine! Shocking isn't it.
Ultimately I am actually alone looking at the refractions of my many selves masquerading as other people.

I realised that acutely today, but didn't have time, as I never seem to, to jot it down.
I have thought about it over the last several months as a fact, but the truth of it surfaced today.
Now it is possible that I have manifested the belief as true in order to be right. That is a huge possibility as well.

This realisation came about during my new pattern of not shrugging off things that seem unpleasant or scary to do.(One of the reasons for this is because of late, everything has seemed confrontational and scary) But taking up the challenge right away. I have been doing this for some time, or else I couldn't be able to do it so regularly now. But it is new in the sense that now, when I feel pressure, like the issues with the book that I am doing, or my husband's expectations on a trip I have to take, I have stopped dragging my feet about deciding later.
I decide now.
I used to find that difficult to do. I used to want to think it over and over again and feel comfortable in the decision.
I used to weigh it all up and weigh it again, hoping that not only I but moreso , the other person was not being inconvenienced by my decision.

Yes, that was me, ALOT.

My new attitude comes from being here on my own.

A trusting of myself has made me feel alot better about my decisions for myself.

Another realisation is that I stand in acceptance that my decision could be met negatively, and yet I am able to know that it is not the end of the world. But a moment.
That desire to be perfect (and I never am) is no longer appealing. I prefer to feel comfortable in my own skin.

More on the refracted light in another post.