the powers of observation

This week there is another job fair at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. It shall be my third. One thing about Canada that I like a great deal is the availability of information in whatever field you pursue. I know that when I get a job, I shall move on and upward because of all that this country affords those who care about improving their lives. I cannot say that there are no opportunities, the right question to ask on the ground floor is 'how.'
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Yet again today, I was faced with an emotional issue. I had the choice to react as I always do, and I did do that. But then, I also had the opportunity to step back and make a firm decision about whether I would continue to allow the behavior to go on. I chose not to have it continue.

When things like this occur, it is very easy to wonder when will things change for the better. In this instance, change depends on my attitude. I realise more and more that the only person who can adjust is me, and the interesting thing about that, is that from one moment to another, I can clearly see how a change of attitude on my part can make something that up to a nanosecond ago, cause such upset, now, suddenly fall away and lose its power.

I do not know what the person who causes me this engagement of emotion hopes to achieve by his behavior. I conclude that what underpins all that I experience with him is a deep underlying fear of himself. A fear of failure and a need to be listened to. When someone solves every problem with shouting and carrying on, knowing that it cannot solve the problem, and that venting is something that they do for effect and because they like it, then you really have to step back and ask yourself whether you want to continue to enable that person to act that way around you.

If you know that someone is not a better person with you, then the worst thing that you can do is to make them stay.
This is hard to say. It is hard to read, it is hard to admit. But if that is indeed the case, then I must do what I must to keep away from him, even if this person is my husband.