breathe in

What I do now, is my decision. I really do not have to listen to him. I miss my child and feel very sad about all of this, but it may make much more sense to continue to have her stay with my mother-in-law.
The question I must ask is whether it makes sense for me to stay here, looking for a job, or is it wiser to go back and wait for all of the legal stuff to be cleared up first?

Going back and waiting does not change the having to find employment in Canada and having my child with me.
It is all a question of timeing. If I return to my country, I have to look for a place to live and a job anyway. The money I am set to get is not money that I can afford to fritter away on the hope of something happening quickly.Also, furthermore, that money has one value in my country and another in Canada, and that value is much, much smaller.

I now have to think singlely.

I can make it in Canada. The fact is that I have to get a job that pays well so that I can house myself, my mother-in-law and my child. The other things, the Italy, the France, they can happen at any time. I simply will have to just get the whole divorce thing out of the way, and that really isn't in the way anyway. it is just a proceedure.


I will really be on my own - with a little one who needs to be taken to school, to play dates, reliant on a happy mummy who cares for her and won't be an absentee parent because she has to work two and three jobs to pay the bills.

If I look at this too closely I'll just get scared, angry and filled with self pity. I cannot afford to think the worst. I must believe that this is the best news I have heard and that my life is going to be a great adventure, filled with endless possibilities. Everything that happens now is dependent on my attitude.

I have to put a positive spin on this.

This is not something to bemoan. This is good for me. I have to see it that way. My husband is clearly getting out of my way, in order for me to be the person that I need to be. Didn't I say that I want my life to be about Art and to show all over the world and to travel. I know that if I were doing these things with him in my life, he would be home for all of it. Not interested in being part of my world anyway.
I am hurt because i really wanted to enjoy my child and our lives together, but he doesn't want that. I cannot force him to want what I want.


The point is, why do I feel that he was supporting me when he really wasn't anyway? He doesn't provide financial support, far less emotional support. Who is to say that he is wrong with this decision. It may be the best thing that ever happened to me. If I let it.