Helpful salve

My visit to my husband's family lasted until nearly after ten, and this is with putting the clocks back the hour. It was amazing to just let everything out. I even tentatively mentioned the seperation. His cousin got animated from the first statement about the going back and not getting to see the baby. She was furious. How could he tell you that! She asked me. Then I mentioned the letter I had written to the lawyer, and she said that she had read it. She wondered at the time, what woman would be so silly as to care about the mother-in-law to such an extent?
These people have known my husband all his life, so to tell me the things that they did, and to advise me as they did, was truely appreciated. His cousin is adamant that I not feel the least concerned about going back to Trinidad and getting my child back. She works with problem children and children who have been adopted, and she was very clear about how the issue of parting and rejoining your child feels and is for both parties. In fact his family were so supportive of me, that I believe that there is no way that he can visit them in the future, saying all of his gripes and be entertained.

Before I left, I checked my email and the letter from him was much, much better. More subdued and sensitive for a change. He still is not bending from the whole divorce idea, because he stated in the letter that he shall always support 'us.' But at least the letter was better thought through.
This situation has been so very stressful, and as I find happens with every major issue that I have faced in my life, I feel as though I have joined a rollercoaster of currents that toss me willy nilly, making me feel umempowered. But this time, the issue is closest to me and I feel all the trepadations of someone afraid to make major change. I don't feel that I know the right thing to do. I worry that I will do the wrong thing and have the people who matter, upset with me. So you see, on the one hand, you think that you have gone very far, but then, when you are faced with new problems, you realise that they manifest themselves again in a way that you have to deal with them again, as though you made no strides before. Or at least that is how it feels.

I have a problem with perceived authority. I want to please. I do not want to have to think for myself. I want approval. I want to feel safe and liked. I am afraid that if I take the initiative and go counter to the desires of those who I feel have more authority, I would get into some sort of trouble .... and to make matters worse, right now, I am thinking to myself, suppose I do take her and have several more months similar to the ones I have now? Wouldn't I feel defeated?
Wouldn't he just be prooven right?

There are no easy answers here. All I do know is that I cannot continue to spent time away from my child.