I took a long walk and had a long think about what I should do next. I started by confronting my fears. I don't want to be one of those cliche single mothers, in a bad, dead end job, in horrible relationships with men who want to use you. I don't want to be lonely and bitter, angry and tired from the two or three jobs I'll have to hold down to be able to support my child.
I don't want my parents telling me they told me so, and bad mouthing him every time they see their grandchild. I have been through all my fears when I was pregnant, and now I don't want to go through another laundry list of added fears.

I have to find a good job. I have to get my life in order. I have to make some plans for my future, now.

Suppose h's here in February, goes to Calgary as he plans and he gets this great job and I am still looking? Suppose everything he wants for himself starts happening and I end up having to rely on him?
But then it could go the other way, and in that instance, would I be willing to let him rely on me?

The point is, my life has changed and I have to make some decisions for myself. I am applying to Columbia University on a whim. If I get it, it means that I shall be going to school in New York to do my Masters. I am chosing that school to start my Art career going in full swing. The best Artists seem to be coming out of that school, and it would be a better maunching pad than the lurching that I have been doing, wondering how to get a gallery to even look at my work.

I am worried about money too. With no job yet, my savings dwindling, how am I going to prevent being a cliche divorsee, single mom?

This situation shall take all of my inginuity to change where I am at this moment.
I have nothing to fall back on but my beleif in myself, and that is saying something.
I know how to swim.