Hypocrisy


Basket Case

I just signed out with the last sentence still in my thoughts and I concluded that I am a dirty, nasty lier. If I had dreamt that I had met a psychic and she'd said, fight for your marriage, then I would have felt good about it and probably held my ground or re-evaluated the pull and tug of my situation.
This turn of events in my life has me shattered by so many perspectives. There seem to be more than one dynamic affecting my thoughts. On the one hand, I lament that if the issues before me could only disappear, I would be better able to handle what has been put before me.
BUT THAT IS NOT THE CASE-: The case is what it is.
That is life sometimes. Things don't seem fair. You can only see in hindsight what you were fighting fruitlessly against. The balm of time tells you that you need not have beaten yourself up, second guessed your decisions, worried yourself into overweight or hair loss.

It is an opportunity to remember that control is not the issue, neutrality is. But it is so hard to do. The ego always seems to get in the way. The ego feels so bruised.
This cannot be happening to me, it cannot seem to get over itself.

It cannot seem to overreach itself and see better just over the bend, so much better that in the better, you realize that you had to let the old go, because of it.

I guess, it shall take time. Time to get past all of the tumult, and no, I will not always have it together. I will make mistakes along the way. I will possibly relapse, I shall be clumsy. I do not know what I am going into. But because I have been pregnant, I now understand that just because you may not know what you are going into, does not mean that you cannot come out, much, much better for it.